On the Dark Moon in Sagittarius and Cutting Through the Bullshit

Monday was the Dark Moon (or New Moon) in Sagittarius, the fire sign characterized a truth seeking wandering. It is also my natal moon (which I just found out I share with Trump which is probably the worst news I've ever, ever heard and which I'm going to ignore forever).

A little bit about Moons and Fire Signs.

The moon in the natal chart describes our inner life and emotions, and as the unguarded self its the part of us that is most instinctual, coming out strongly when we're either very relaxed or suddenly find ourselves in a moment of defense. Sagittarius' are firey, fighting, questing, and leaving. They are described as a sign to whom trust in the universe comes easy, who find answers in spirituality and religious pursuits, and act on those firey flashes of instincts and inspiration without much planning or thinking. This makes it directly opposite in many characteristics to my Sun in Taurus which explains a LOT about me. Like, a LOT.

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My favorite way to check in with what the planets are doing is to do a card reading, so I pulled out my deck and followed along to the spread created by @escapingstars over on instagram

The "arm" of the arrow is cards

1. "What part of the past holds me back?" Page of Wands
2. "What doubts and lies distract me and need to be addressed?" The Moon
3. "How can I learn from the past without getting lost?" 3 of Wands

The "arrow" of the arrow is
(the top two)
4. "What message does the universe have for me at this chaotic time?" King of Wands
5. "How can I best shed my self-consciousness and express my truth fully?" The World
(the bottom two)
6. "What will benefit from these new beginnings?" 5 of Cups
7. "What intentions should I set?" knight of Wands

And the point of the arrow is
8. "How can I harness this new moon's energy?" Ace of Swords/The Emperor

(Sometimes when I read I elevate the Ace, which is when anytime you draw an Ace you place it at the top and in this way it "hovers over" the whole spread, lending its energy to everything. So I elevated this Ace and drew The Emperor to take its place, but for some reason the Ace here just felt right, so they share that spot.)

The Wand suit is associated with the element of Fire, just like Sagittarius is a Fire sign, and here half the cards I've drawn are fire cards. Even the Emperor is a Fire card. I've even got the Moon card here. Basically, the cards showed UP for this reading.

Breaking it down(Disclaimer; I don't know who, if anyone, reads this. And this makes it very easy for me to turn it into a public journal of sorts. This is going to be kind of personal, trying to not be too personal, but anyways. Idk. It might be rambly)

1. "What holds me back?" Page of Wands.
The Court cards are sometimes used to symbolize people in our lives, and which court card it is will give you hints as to WHO it is, and Pages are typically someone younger. I often struggle when reading court cards. But here, I knew exactly who this was. A person in my life. Younger. And this is where we start attempting to vaguely discuss family strife without giving away any identifying details.

Why is it that we struggle so much when we are loving? Why is it that our family, our first community, the people we will know the longest, are the ones who wont return our calls?

There is one relationship in particular which has been keeping me up nights. I mean that really, I wake up three times a night thinking about it, and it keeps me awake, following each imagined thread of what their reasons could possibly be. I replay the times I asked for forgiveness, and I count up all the ways I know this forgiveness has not be given. Then I turn over my own pain in my head, the pain I was in when I caused this person hurt, and the pain I feel over their actions. I think about what its like to be held responsible for something I did ten years ago. And I'm exhausted. And its time to sort it out, and let it go.

2. "What doubts and lies distract me and need to be addressed?" The Moon.
The Moon is an anxiety card. It has positive meanings too, sure, but even those are brooding. It often is a card that shows up for me when I need to do some shadow work, when I've forgotten to keep my demons close and they've slipped out of sight. It is almost always a card of division, and here is the lie.
The lie is that we are separate. We are not.
These lies of separation withing my family, within myself, within my community and my world, even though they are lies, lead me to behave as if we were separate, behaving as if I was cut off from my self, my shadow, my family. So I guard myself. And I have imaginary arguments. And I weep as if my heart were broken, as if I'd lost everything. Because in a way, I have.
It is time to draw near, and to bind tight. It is time to stitch together and make a whole.

3. "How can I learn from the past without getting lost there?" 3 of Wands.
Her is a leaving card. The Sagittarius out, to quest and discover the truth. This is the journey. It is bright and well lit, skies are clear. The traveler stands tall, firmly grasping the staff. Instantly what came to my mind was a quote from a Dharma Talk I recently listened to given by Sallie Jiko Tisdale at the Dharma Rain Zen center here in Portland titled "Do Otherwise." This Dharma Talk was about the Buddhist confession ceremony, and how a Buddhist confesses, what to do when we stumble and hurt someone. The quote I thought of was this

"This is simply autobiography. I am here. I am this. I confess knowing I and only I have done this. And I confess knowing there is no I at all. It is said that confession is a non-dual act. It doesn't require another person. You don't confess TO another person. We just confess. But it doesn't require YOU either. It is life confessing to life. Emptiness confessing to emptiness. You know the phrase Buddha recognizes Buddha? Buddha confesses to Buddha. And repentance isn't to solve your problems. It is done for ALL beings. And in order to do it completely for all beings you have to completely do it for yourself. It requires acceptance and love for yourself, not leaving yourself out. And then we say "I now confess everything whole heartedly." We repent without asking for forgiveness. When you ask for forgiveness you give the power and the responsibility to somebody else. Buddhist repentance requires us to take completely responsibility for ourselves, not just for what happened, but for what's about to happen. So if you're waiting on someone else to forgive you so that you can feel better, you're not taking responsibility. Just stand up."
Just stand up. Stand in the truth. Yes I did that thing. I did it because I was hurting. No that's not an excuse. That page doesn't know my pain. That page may never acknowledge my pain. I take full responsibility for my confession and my forgiveness. I stand up.

4. "What message does the Universe hold at this chaotic time?" King of Wands.

Stay focused. Keep the fuse lit, stoke the fire. As The Mister so perfectly put it; Rise above the chaos.
The Wand suit has a very special element to it; the lizard. Lizards, much like snakes, live their lives with their bellies on the ground (or very near it, at least). In this manner they are creatures of connection to the earth, staying grounded, staying plugged into nature. The "lizard brain" is a term used to refer to the oldest part of the brain, the brain stem, the place responsible for all the primal instincts. This is the seat of emotion, addiction, and so forth. This is that shadow self I was saying I'm disconnected from. This is the wolf howling next to the domestic dog in the Moon card. This is the wild side. Keep it near and bind it tight. Stitch it together to make a whole. The King has his lizard close. So ought I to stay centered, grounded, tapped into that first part of me.

5. "How can I best shed my self-consciousness and express my truths fully?" The World.
The Mister had input for this one as well, saying "You're already in victory. Keep it up." I'll take it.

6. "What will benefit from these beginnings?" 5 of Cups.
One of the more dismal looking cards in the deck, it isn't a doomsayer, rather its a wake up call regarding our perspectives, our grief process. What good will come of this? By letting go, by taking responsibility for before, now, and later, I will experience a new perspective, fresh and positive. I'm ready.

7. "What intentions should I set for this cycle?" Knight of Wands.
It's the final stretch of school, the nights are long and the dreariness of the 5 of Cups bogs me down. Yesterday I told The Mister my brain feels like mud. Well now more than ever is time to manifest energy and motion. Time to kick it up to a rolling boil!

8. "How can I best harness this new moon energy?" The Ace of Swords/The Emperor.
I have a tumultuous relationship with the Emperor, but after all this fire and motion the Taurus in me was happy to see a staunch (s t a u n c h) card like this. It makes sense to me.

There's a story I read in a Thich Nhat Hanh book called "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching" thought I think this story is pretty universal. A man on a galloping horse came charging into town. The towns people shouted "Hey! Where are you going?" The man, already past, shouted behind him "I don't know! Ask the horse!"

The energy of all those wands in such a wandering sign has the potential to be very much like that story. The best way to harness this energy is to keep both hands on the reigns, keep both eyes on the road, and have my GPS set to audio alerts so I have an idea of whats coming and what I need to do about it. The Emperor is dense, like rocks, and in control.

What does this look like in practicality? Making lists. Get a schedule going, start a few routines. And wake up that sleeping militant inside me. I've kept her sedated because I fear her. But now I see I need her. Its time we learn to work together, because is the only one who can help me stay on course, keep this schedule and routine.

The Ace or Swords is a tool that cuts right through bull shit. There can be no lies nearby. Now is not the time for mincing words, or for sparing feelings. (this doesn't mean being careless and hurtful; there is a palm of peace hanging from that crown after all.) This card says my job is not to coddle right now. My job is to stay firmly and un-apologetically plugged into the core truth at all times.

Hello, who ever you are, who is reading this. May you, too, remain plugged into the core truth of you. Of us. May you, too, have the confidence of The World to take responsibility, to love yourself fully, to accept yourself fully, and to just stand up. And as always, thank you, whoever you are, for reading.

-A.H.

On baggage and setting the table.

Yesterday's prompt for Augusts Tarot challenge is "How can I embrace my body and my sexuality?"


Look at all that baggage! So much conflict and strife within one reading, and its totally accurate. On one side of the reading there is celebration and plenty, adoration almost; on the other side there is chosen poverty, loss, and disappointment. Do you want to talk about life after/with an eating disorder, because this is what it looks like; success and sometimes feel like failures, and failures like a success. Define and apply those terms any way, every way, yes.

I left this reading and came back to it several times, I filled many journal pages, I prayed about it, I napped about it, and I still feel everything. But I'm not going to take you on that ring around. I'm going to cut right through and get to the nugget of truth on the inside of the bullshit. Join me.

We need to hash out this conflict, first and forever. Grey skies and clear, wealth and poverty, joy and sullenness. You know what we've got to do with dichotomies don't you? We narrow that gap.

How? Start with Accepting. Accept that my body will disappoint me. It will get sick and age. It will be soft where I wish it wasn't. It will be stiff when I want it to flow. Accept that the creases under my eyes appear to be here to stay. Accept my tummy, my arms. Accept that this is my subconscious's attempt to communicate with me, using the physical body as a metaphor because its still uncomfortable with its unpracticed language of healing. It is not about creases or jiggles. It is about perceived worth and survival, with a little bit of creepy religious penance thrown in for good measure. Accept what is, and what is not.

But above and beyond and through all, accept that recovery is a cycle. It is not linear. And it may go round and round like this for the rest of my life. So ease in and get comfy with it. Get to know it so that the next time it comes around I can be ready with an extra place setting at the table.

The medicinal qualities of Cattails are off the chart, making it a remarkable first aid herb. The pollen has hemostatic actions when place in a cut, and blood moving properties when taken internally. The sticky gum at the base of the leaves is antiseptic and even numbing. Cattail says I need to triage. SOS, STAT. Time to clean the wound and stop the bleeding. Goldenrod has the same medical potency, though it's healing action is for the long term. (this is an echo of Jera, the middle Rune of the central three, who says that living in the present and doing the work in the present lays a strong foundation for the future, and not to forget that this is WHY you're doing todays good work). The Latin name is Solidago, from the word Soldare, meaning "to make whole". To. make. whole! Are you kidding me?? That's amazing. Goldenrod has been stalking me the last few weeks since I watched a bumble bee visit each flower while listening to Thich Nhat Hanh talk about second body practice, and it's time to take its message to heart.

Each Rune says in turn to accept life and fate and that some things are just the way they are, and then they each say "But don't forget to do your magic, do your work, you're responsible for your own manifestations."

The first, Elhaz/Algiz is about courage in the face of fear, and this is key, because you have to know if you need to flee, fight, or if you just need to chill and breathe. It is a powerful teaching force should one choose to open that chapter, and can connect you with the Divine in the world around you and yourself, if you're into that sort of thing. 

The third Rune, Nyd, is about Need, and our complicated relationships with our own. It is resistance, struggle, effort. It is trying to start a fire with two sticks on a cold day when it starts to rain. Its kind of dismal. It looks a lot like that failure card; all the effort, all the dreams. But all is not lost. Don't forget that without resistance form would fall about, and that's science my friend. This is not bad, rather it is a force that, when understood, can actually function as a means to protect and meet these needs. But the first step is to accept the process. Sometimes its raining, and all you have is two sticks to start the fire; don't fight it just get to it.

Jera, the central Rune, patient and steady. The Taurus Rune (if you as me, that's not actually what it is). Harvest from right action; you did good work, and you will reap the rewards, but in a real mundane and ordinary way. Like you planted a seed and now you have a fruit. But don't mistake the amazingness of this. Just like first you triage, then you work on a long term plan towards healing, first you plant the seed, then you harvest food for the winter. This is nothing short of a miracle. This Rune too is about cycles and seasons, but not in a time sort of way; this is the inhale and exhale, this is the heartbeat, the biorhythms, dawn and dusk, menstruation, gestation, sleep, awake. The force of Jera is slow and unstoppable. It is not sudden, you cannot force it. It is best to make small changes that can be sustained daily. Practice the language of healing and recovery. Practice the patterns of self care and acceptance. Work your magic every day. And breathe. And breathe.

-A.H.

When the Activist of the Sky meets the Ultimate Lover...

Today Eris in Aries semisextiles Venus in Taurus, and I want to talk about this.

The Eris of mythology was a warrior princess of epic skill and ferocity, and if you try to research her astrological activity you'll find her described as the goddess of chaos and discord.


But I don't think so. I think of her as the Activist of the Sky. This is someone who defends the people who don't have the resources to defend themselves; children and mothers specifically (this is just my hunch) but also for sure includes the whole family unit as well. This activism often involves overturning the current regime. And yes, that often looks like chaos.

When Eris meets Venus we often get warnings of "hey watch out for fights with your significant other right now!" But I think that's just a little bit missing the point (and also this only applies to you if your relationship isn't meeting your needs. The stars can't make problems that weren't there to begin with).


When planets meet up and do things together in the sky I like to think of it as them holding council. When Eris and Venus hold that council in the sky its a huge opportunity to make big shifts in the way we move through our communities (of self, of family, work place, neighborhood, world, cosmos) and to look at issues around justice from the fresh standpoint of Love.

So what are they saying today? Heavy stuff, that's for sure.

The four cards at the top are their signifiers; Judgement + 10oCups for Eris (I'm so captivated by the similarities between the cards! And look, families!) And the 10oSwords + QoPentacles for Venus (this was rough to see.) The fact that they both have 10's is significant; this is a final and first hour of something. This is go time; Time to level up.


BUT leveling up, and pushing past and on to the next phase can be really hard. Here we see the Queen in mourning over the loss and pain in the 10oSwords. When I saw those cards together all I could think of was our Earth, in pain and betrayed. The Queen, Sensual earthy goddess, watches in and almost helpless sadness. I feel this despair. We hear statistics saying that we're past the tipping point of climate change; its easy to loose hope in the face of that, easy to go on living our doomed lives as we've always lived them because whats the point.

BUT things can be done, even still, to lessen the effects of climate change and shorten our planets recovery time. All we have to do is act. And that's what Eris is all about; sounding that alarm, waking us up with a decisive call to direct action.

The three cards at the bottom are their message. They're saying that we need a complete overhaul of our governing systems. "Overthrow" I whispered when I saw them. "Overthrow". But what are the systems that govern our lives? Yeah, the government, but also the economy and the media, and it all boils down to this; capitalism. It is capitalism that truly rules our life. It is our governing body, it is the fuel of our decision making, and it is the whisper in our ear that keeps us afraid and fighting. It is the excuse that allows us to pollute the countries of the poor and call it a green initiative. Its the blindfold that lets us say we're the greatest nation in the world while we are actually the sickest; sick with dis-ease, with mass incarceration, crippling poverty, shocking childhood hunger, and the highest levels of debt.


In the face of something so huge, what does our action entail? What does this "overthrow" even look like?

Start asking yourself why. Why do I think this way? Why do I want that thing? Who told me to be afraid of this person? In this way we begin to un-knit the capitalist white supremacist patriarchal web that has a hold on us. This is the first step, and once we take that first step, they* are over thrown. The process, once begun, is completed.

The second thing that struck me about these cards was their number and gender similarity to the election. (Am I reaching? Maybe, but we're talking about Tarot here so I think I'm well within an acceptable realm here.) And I became instantly concerned. Because who is the upright Emperor??? Whoooo???? I pulled a lot of cards and none would tell me. The Mister and I talked out the presence of the Emperor till we could be sure he was who we wanted him to be; at first I thought war mongering mars=war mongering Trump. But THEN I thought Emperor with his marching boots on=project starting Mars=get to work Mars=firey Mars that can Berrrn (see what I did there?) and I'm totally willing to entertain this idea.


However, and probably more importantly, I also see that we ought to adopt the attitude of the Emperor. We must be steadfast, secure, confident, ready with our marching boots on.

Seeking more clarity, I asked "To what end?" And I pulled Victory and Balance. These efforts ensure our Victory over injustice, and the creation of balanced and fair world. Then I asked "But how?" and turned over The Sun and Love. How do we work this work? How do we fight injustice and change our world for the better? We do it with Love. This love that allows us to behold the face of God, that banishes fear and brings paradise, Love that is just, Love that serves. If faith the size of a tiny mustard seed can move a mountain, and Love is greater than faith, then think of how much we can do if we do it in Love.