Rock bottom. Throw down the rope. I can't find my footing.
I haven't been able to leave the house.
If I'm walking I'm okay-ish, able to keep my anxiety around a 5. But if I'm in the car its a full blow attack.
I haven't been to work since Monday.
I was able to see a good Dr thanks to the lovely ladies I work for and with; the company paid for my visit. So I have a prescription for Xanax and Lexapro. I have the Xanax right now because it was only $11.50 but the other was $50.somthing and while my insurance is being difficult I can't afford that.
The pills are sitting next to my bed mat, still in their bag. I haven't even looked at the bottle. The idea of taking anti-anxiety medication is giving me higher anxiety. I know I need to do this. I don't think I have any other options.
What am I afraid of? Everything. Narrowing it down I feel trapped. Trapped in the side effects. I'm over thinking this. I'm trapped now. Trapped in my room. Trapped in my head.
I wish I would have written my masterpiece before taking a pill that might/will dampen my creative genius.
insert laughter.
-A.H.
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